Super Preferred

A little over a year ago my husband and I bought our first life insurance.  Our Statefarm rep told us someone would come out to the house to test our blood and ask us questions about our family history.  Our rates would be based on these results.  "The cheapest rate you could possibly get" we were told  "is 'Super Preferred.'  But nobody gets that one.  It's pretty much Olympic athlete rate."

I got Super Preferred.

I also got breast cancer.

My husband got 'High Risk.'  I've spent the last year making fun of him and telling "Super Preferred" jokes. . . needless to say I feel quite confident my life insurance rates will be going up soon.

Super preferred might be a frame of mind that was indoctrinated into me at a young age.  "We don't get cancer in our family"  are infamous words my mother spouted hundreds of times while we were growing up.  She had a case.  My grandmother had over 150 direct descendants when she died and not one of them had cancer (except for an aunt and her daughter who both smoked two packs a day for 20 years- no surprise they died of lung cancer. . . go figure).  

Sorry nana, I got breast cancer.

You may not know this - and will be horrified to hear it, but there are a whole bunch of people out there claiming that people get breast cancer because they took the "pill,"  took estrogen or had an abortion. . . I was a virgin when I married two years ago, and the strongest medication I've ever taken is Aleve. . . In fact "Super preferred" is not too far off the mark.  The first time I ever darkened the door of a hospital was to have a baby four months ago.

And I got breast cancer.

My whole life I've been a clean eater.  Never smoked, never did any kinds of drugs.  I won't drink soda, have alcohol maybe once a month.  For years I've cooked with whole grains and hormone free meats.  I was a juicer, a smoothie freak, and a fan of vitamins and exercise.  I mean I earned "Super Preferred."  My husband eats candy bars, soda and Taco Bell like it's going out of style.  My sister smoked for ten years.  And on the new reality show called "My Strange Addiction,"  there are people out there eating laundry detergent.

And I got breast cancer.

What the heck?!?  Where did this come from?  What did I possibly do that caused this?  One of my friends says "You did something-  but you'll never know what it is. . . "  What??  That's insane!  You mean I could still be doing it now and it will only bring this back down on me again in a couple years?  Where does this stuff come from and why did it pick me - the one who ISN'T EATING LAUNDRY DETERGENT?!?

I have been so baffled by this diagnosis I swear I am still walking around hoping that someone will call me up and say "Sorry we made a mistake."  They can't mean ME!  Not ME!!!  We don't get cancer in our family!  I'm super blooming preferred!  How did this happen?

I have breast cancer.

When I asked my doctor what could have caused this, she said "it's just bad luck."  Well, I've never been lucky.  The few times I went to the casinos I lost my meager bets almost immediately without a single win.  I've never won at contests or raffles or drawings. . . but I sure beat the 1 out of five odds didn't I?  (That's what they told me before the biopsy:  80% of the time it's not cancer.  Bad odds for someone so unlucky). 

Man.  I almost wish I could go back and spend the last 38 years eating Twinkies and burnt popcorn.    Heck mabey I'll even try some laundry detergent.  What a waste!  I'm going to Taco Bell this weekend and ordering a chalupa.  Obviously they don't cause cancer, because I never eat that stuff and I HAVE BREAST CANCER!!!