The Short List

There is a whole long list of people I'm not allowed to talk to.  Or at least I'm supposed to try something between running away from them in the parking lot, or just courteously kicking them out of my house.  My husband has made this list, and it grows  every day.

There are some cold hard rules to the list.  For example anytime he walks in the house and I'm crying, the person sitting across from me automatically gets the blame.  They go on the long list.  We've had arguments about this rule.  This standard almost got me into deep trouble once when he walked in right after a bad news phone call from a doctor, and I happened to be sitting across from my cousin.  After much hard work, I convinced him that she was not to blame for my crying and she was allowed back onto the short list.  Phew.

However, the long list certainly has its merits.  Other  members of the long list include a student and good friend of mine who can't seem to come into the house without three "cancer nightmare stories."  First time she came, she told me my "hair would grow back but it would be white and thin."  On the same visit she told me I'd have to "wash all my veggies in bleach," and that yes, "something did cause the cancer, something I did, it was somehow my fault. . . but I'd never know what it was."  She knew so much, as she told me, because her best friend died of breast cancer after an eighteen year battle. . . .  The second time she came into the house she told me a charming story about how I was going to lose all sense of taste and then insisted that I "suck it up" and go watch other singers perform and be stinking happy for them.  Both visits left me in tears for hours.  She's now only allowed into the house for her lesson and to talk strictly music.

Surprisingly the worst offenders on the long list are the breast cancer survivors.  They can't help themselves but come up to me after Mass and say the, honestly, the STUPIDEST things.  Things like "I mean I finished radiation six months ago, but it still burns me all over my body!"  and my favorite  " I just hope and pray for your sake that it's estrogen negative cancer.  That is my prayer for you - estrogen negative."  It was estrogen positive. Or the all-time fav "The weirdest part was when they had to graft my nipple to my butt for six months." . . . .AGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGH!!!!!!!!

Finally there is the student I had to literally throw out of my house one day because his brother was "cured" of an incurable cancer using alternative methods by an institute in California.  He can't seem to get past an hour in my presence without bringing this up and how chemo will burn up my body and radiation will ruin my life. . . . This guy is almost on my husband's hit list. . . which is one step below the long list.  I've explained to him multiple times that I have a very aggressive cancer and we don't have time to waste, and that it generally kills younger women faster than older ones. . . but he doesn't seem to care. . .

Other people on the long list include the pladituders.  "Oh God must really love you to be sending you this suffering."  "Oh you're going to be a better stronger person when this is over."  "God has a plan and we have to trust that He knows best."  "You should be happy that He has sent you this suffering.  I am so happy for you."  Dear readers, please PLEASE never tell someone what they SHOULD be experiencing spiritually at a time of trial.  Here's what you should say  "I'm so sorry - I'm praying for you.  Here's what I can do for you. . . ."  Leave the platitudes for the Hallmark Cards.

The short list on the other hand is the VERY short list of people who seem to know and understand what to do and what I need to hear.  They generally never make me cry.  They always talk in positive terms and make me hear things I don't even want to believe.  "You can do it.  You can get through this. . . "  That sort of stuff.  At the all time top of the short list is my friend in New York who is also going through chemo right now.  She says exactly what I want to hear even if it's a lie (But if you asked her she'd never say it was a lie). "You - I just know you're going to get through chemo and they aren't going to find any trace of cancer in your body.  I know it.  And you're going to have another baby.  I can see the baby, I can literally see it."

Other people on the short list include my mentor and friend Priscilla who I call whenever I'm really scared because I know no matter what she'll say "You're not going to die - now stop that!"  and make me feel ridiculous for having thought it in the first place.  Also on the short list are my best friend from back home Carrie, who always talks in hopeful terms and can always make me laugh, and my friend Silvia who tells me I'm wonderful and she admires me and I can get through this whenever I need it.  Terry and Heather, and well, lolol anyone who knows this blog exists.  These people love me, and I can feel their love, and in the end that's what I need.

Finally - anyone goes on the short list if they ask about the blog,  I had one dear friend in CT who was limited to the Caring Bridge updates, which I'm trying to keep positive.  She emailed me and basically said "Cut the @#%$.  I want to know what's really going on." . . .short list.